Advising Your Student

Going to college can trigger a number of changes among students, parents, and siblings. Freshmen are probably excited about getting out on their own, but they are usually nervous, too. Here are some tips for parents to use with your student.

Note that in many of the examples below, we say, “tell your student to…” This is key to helping your student learn how to solve his or her own problems. If mom and dad are always willing to intervene, then the young person sometimes doesn’t learn valuable skills related to resolving these types of issues.

If they say: “School is too hard, I don’t think I can do this…”

College classes are supposed to be more difficult than high school. College means having to learn new ways to study, take notes, and manage time. The adjustment can take time and self-discipline, but help is also easily available. Tell your student to:

  • Check out the resources IU Southeast has to offer. We can help with tutoring, study skills and note taking tips. We also have Writing Centers for help on college papers.
  • Talk with his or her professors – they aren’t that scary. Professors can offer advice, refer your student to academic assistance, or work with him or her individually.
  • Ask upper-class students and his or her Resident Assistant (RA) for tips. Remember, they’ve already been through this.

If they say: “My roommates and I just don’t get along…”

Roommate conflicts are going to happen. Conflict in living situations is inevitable between siblings, best friends, and complete strangers who just became roommates. Encourage your student to talk out issues with his or her roommate. If problems continue, encourage your student to contact Residence Life and Housing staff for assistance. You can also give your student these tips:

  • Spend time to get to know each other.
  • Talk to your roommates early on before problems get bigger.
  • Respect each other’s feelings and opinions.
  • Expect to compromise.
  • Show common courtesy and consideration.

If they say: “It’s never quiet in my room and I can’t study…”

We do a lot of programming in the halls and sponsor a lot of events. But, we also establish specific quiet hours so that students can sleep or study undisturbed. Regardless of what time it is, though, students are expected to be courteous with each other and respect other students’ rights to study in relative quiet. With this in mind, encourage your student to:

  • Work out specific expectations with roommates about noise levels and study times.
  • Ask his/her peers to turn down music, the television, or whatever is creating the noise.
  • Visit one of the lounges and study rooms in the residence halls.
  • Try studying in other campus buildings such as the library or University Center.

If they say: “I don’t know what I want to do but everyone else has a major…” or
                   “I thought I wanted to be a…but now I don’t…”

Students don’t have to choose a major immediately. And it’s okay if they switch majors during their college career. In fact, most students will change their major at least twice in the first year or so of college. Help your student settle on his or her major by:

  • Encouraging your student to visit the Career Services office or talk with their academic advisor.
  • Telling him or her that changing a major is not a sign of failure or weakness, and actually is very common.
  • Reminding your student that college is a chance to explore different career options.
  • Not forcing your student to select a major or pressure him or her to follow a particular career path just because it’s what you want your student to do.  Your son or daughter will be happier with a career that is both fulfilling and meaningful to him or her, even if you don’t completely understand it yourself.

If they say: “Send more money! I’m broke…”

While your child is now on his or her own, sort of, they may still need help with finances and learning how to budget money. Here are a few ways you can help:

  • Ask where the money is being spent and how frequently. Use this information to help your student develop a workable and realistic budget.
  • Set a limit on how much your family can afford to contribute to your student’s education and how much has to be covered by loans, scholarships, grants, or part-time jobs.
  • Getting a credit card is a personal choice for the family to discuss. But, make sure you explain the benefits and the pitfalls of credit cards before your son or daughter has amassed a huge debt.
  • In a real pinch, you can load money onto your student’s U-card so that he won’t go hungry or wear dirty clothes.

Learn about our U-Card program, which among other things, serves as a debit card for campus dining services, the bookstore, or the coffee shop and can also be used in the laundry rooms of the residence halls.

If they say: “I hate it here and I want to come home…”
                   “I don’t know anyone here…”
                   “I don’t fit in…”

Everyone adjusts differently to college. It’s normal to be homesick or feel lonely, even with all of the events and activities on campus. But, there are simple things you can do to help alleviate homesickness:

  • Call when appropriate or at agreed upon times. Don’t expect or encourage your student to call before and after every class or every day. A little separation is good for building individuality and independence and for encouraging students to make new friends with other students.
  • Remember birthdays, holidays and other special days with simple care packages.
  • Send cards and letters (not emails) since everyone likes to get mail.
  • Encourage your student to get involved in campus activities and organizations, attend floor programs and meet people.
  • Encourage your student to ask the RA to include him or her in events and activities in the hall and across campus.

If you are really concerned about your son or daughter and worried that they are having a particularly difficult time making a successful transition to college, please contact us. We can assist your student in connecting with other students or help him or her gain access to free counseling services or additional support. Remember, we are here to help your student be successful.

*Adapted with permission from Western Michigan University.